My husband and I went to a weekend marriage retreat hosted by our church and it was such a blessing. I can’t tell you how much we enjoyed having time away from the daily grind, to talk without interruption from those little humans we love so much, and to wake up and have time to just be without thinking about all the responsibilities of the day.
We went on dates, rested, played games, and most importantly, learned about the top factors for nurturing a strong and faith filled marriage. I am excited to share what we learned and hope that it blesses you and your marriage too.
Forgiveness
Simply put, forgiveness is letting go of an offense, serious or otherwise.
In Colossians 3:12-14 scripture tells us (12) as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved to clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. (13) Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of us has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave us. (14) And over all of these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Forgiveness is love, healing and freedom.
So how does one forgive their spouse if there has been an offense?
- Communicate the offense: yes, talk about it. Pray together before the conversation. Create a safe space for sharing feelings and frustrations. Be kind and communicate.
- Take your finger out of the wound: “Don’t be bringing up old stuff”…as much as you may want to, just don’t do it. It doesn’t help work through the offense, it just adds more fuel to the flame.
- Figure out what works (practice): try different ways of working through the offense and put them into practice. Rinse, repeat, and don’t forget to forgive.
If you don’t forgive it will cost you your health. Your physical health, your relational health, your emotional health and your spiritual health.
Sacred Communication
It’s safe to say that communication can be very challenging depending on you and your spouse’s individual communication styles. During our retreat, we were given a communication oath to recite:
When I speak to you, I will speak to uplift, be slow to anger, quick to listen and be ready to forgive.
Ephesians 5:33 says “Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Communication is one of the ways that invites connection in marriage. Here are a few way to better your communication with your spouse:
- Have isolation conversations: for 10-20 minutes per day, with no children around, no phones, or other distractions, use this time to communicate with and rediscover your spouse.
- The six- second kiss: known to trigger the release of oxytocin (aka the love hormone). This hormone produces feelings of closeness and bonding, as well as intimacy and security. This kiss is also known to reduce stress, help calm fear and build trust.
- The 20 second hug: this one has a lot of benefits, such as fostering trust and intimacy, reducing stress and improving health by boosting your immune system while promoting feelings of well-being.
- Conjugal Rights: this is a big one. Give yourselves to one another. Sexual intimacy is soooo important. It is holy in marriage, it is worship, it is the physical opportunity to literally be one flesh. Do it. Literally.
So as you and your spouse grow in your communication with one another, try implementing some of these communication methods to increase connectedness which in turn will help improve communication. It’s undoubtedly a win-win.
Conflict
The main thing we learned here is that disagreements can be a gift that leads to a deeper understanding of each other. When facing conflict don’t run from it, rather look at is as an opportunity to grow.
Action Steps for Facing Conflict
- Curiosity: be curious, not critical. Figure out why there is a disagreement and ask who, what, when, where, why and how questions of your spouse. Be curious.
- Compassion: be careful, not crushing. Show compassion as you listen and ask questions. Be sure to ask, don’t assume.
- Connection: connect before correcting. Otherwise, it becomes criticism. Hold hands. Connection builds trust.
Remember Ephesians 4:31-32 which says
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Overall
What a wonderful weekend it was, growing in our marriage through God. We learned a lot and connected with other great couples both new and seasoned in marriage. I truly recommend participating in a marriage retreat at least once per year for an opportunity to grow in love with your spouse.
And don’t forget, that through forgiveness, communication and conflict, with the love of God in mind and in action, you will be well on your way to nurturing a strong and faith filled marriage.
With Love,
Stacia
